Sunday, June 17, 2007

Love Actually

Just watched "Love Actually" again on DVD.
Was a lovely lovely show, I love it! It is one of those feel good kinda shows.
However, there is a bang of loneliness after I feel good for the characters in the show.
In the fictional world, well in this case, the endings are all good, well except for that poor little guy who fell in love with his best friend's wife. That is the worst agony! He was there to plan for the wedding and what not but silently standing at the side, gazing at the girl he loved and that is all he could do for the rest of his life, just stand aside and watched her silently. I feel for him, I can understand the sense of lost in his life.

Love found, Love met, Love rekindled, Love lost ..... all around christmas .....

It is June now, Christmas is 6 months away and I think I have to start planning to hide away somewhere. It is going to be difficult, I know, I tried that last year without success. Everywhere will be filled with jolly people in the mood of partying. Sigh...... Sometimes I wish I could just hide in some isolated place with no one around, facing the sea, listening to the wind. Where is this place? Hopefully by then, I have my own flat, and I could hide in my very own oasis. Shutting my world from the rest of the world. I rather be lonely on my own than to feel lonely when I am with friends. Hate the sympathetic look from people around you.

The airport scenes in the show was so warm, seeing love in the faces of people at the airport. It was so nice. For the past 2 years, at the "height" of my business travelling, there was no one to send me off nor anyone to receive me when I come home. Just me and only me. Kinda pathetic, don't you think? No one to call, no one to "report" to. Just flag a cab and go home on my own, back to my dark, empty room. Independence is a lonely thing and I have chosen that. All the happy endings, where's mine? When will I have a relationship beyond my mobile and email? I am so glad at least for these few months that there will not be any public holidays. Weekends are hard enough to go by, now I have intentionally pick up freelance work till September, so weekends will be more bearable for a while. I have also signed up to be a docent at the zoo, if everything goes well during my interview, I will be starting my 10-week course on becoming a docent. Now, that is going to be a highlight for me. I am just so terribly horrified of holiday seasons, so end of the year is going to be super tough. I need strength to go through them.

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