Thursday, June 28, 2007
My 2 beautiful black cats for 2 weeks!!
Minako is away for holidays starting from last night. Her 2 babies will be in good hands :) cos' they are with me!! Choco and Lito are 2 beautiful black cats that are so so adorable, and taking care of them is definitely not a chore for me but a delightful task, a very delightful one in fact. I have to move in to take of them and her plants, and she has so many!!!
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Angel Circle
It is good to feel the energy again :) Haven't been to any Angel Circle Meeting for a while. This time I brought Natalie to the circle, and she likes it :)
The initial meditation was good, a nice long meditation, very peaceful :)
After the meditation, Emily talked to us about crystals. Very interesting but so much to learn, cos now i can't remember most of the names. I have bought 2 crystal books, and that is one of the tasks I have to learn.
There are many angel statues and figurines in the house! And I want that in my own house!! I will do up my angel corner but first I must get my HOUSE!!!
The initial meditation was good, a nice long meditation, very peaceful :)
After the meditation, Emily talked to us about crystals. Very interesting but so much to learn, cos now i can't remember most of the names. I have bought 2 crystal books, and that is one of the tasks I have to learn.
There are many angel statues and figurines in the house! And I want that in my own house!! I will do up my angel corner but first I must get my HOUSE!!!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Angel Reading
Met up with Audrey last night. She told me my guardian angel is Julia, Angel of Faithfulness. I was shocked, cos' that name came to me in my writing, and I don't know why :) She has a golden pinkish glow. She is always with me, on my right side! And I always feel a very angelic presence on my right!!!
There is a Shaman seated behind me, not far from me, waiting for me to be ready, the awakening of my healing ability. He is my master in one or more of my past lives, and now he is my spirit guide. Audrey said my energy is always of a young girl, of native American heritage. Always running in the open field, happy and free in the nature. Many of my past lives I was that. And I seem to be running away, running away from something, she said could be responsibilities. I want to be free so I ran. That is the karmic balance I have to resolve in this life. I almost did it again. I was so tempted so many times to drop everything here and run away to a foreign land, and never come back.
I was also a White Witch, a healer that uses natural remedies - crystals, herbs, energies. Audrey said I have to regain my power as a healer again, my master is waiting for my awakening so that he could guide me. I am sensitive to energy, do not let that to waste, that is my life purpose, it has always been my life purpose. Just as I have close connection with the dolphins, for they are natural healer like me.
And it is in my aura that I have the green healing light.
Kuan Yin and Mother Mary are too, my guides. Me being compassionate and loving is the result of their compassion and loving energy, very strongly resonating behind me.
Audrey said my heart is very heavy with worries, she can see I am trying very hard to open my heart to love, but too much worries.
There is a Shaman seated behind me, not far from me, waiting for me to be ready, the awakening of my healing ability. He is my master in one or more of my past lives, and now he is my spirit guide. Audrey said my energy is always of a young girl, of native American heritage. Always running in the open field, happy and free in the nature. Many of my past lives I was that. And I seem to be running away, running away from something, she said could be responsibilities. I want to be free so I ran. That is the karmic balance I have to resolve in this life. I almost did it again. I was so tempted so many times to drop everything here and run away to a foreign land, and never come back.
I was also a White Witch, a healer that uses natural remedies - crystals, herbs, energies. Audrey said I have to regain my power as a healer again, my master is waiting for my awakening so that he could guide me. I am sensitive to energy, do not let that to waste, that is my life purpose, it has always been my life purpose. Just as I have close connection with the dolphins, for they are natural healer like me.
And it is in my aura that I have the green healing light.
Kuan Yin and Mother Mary are too, my guides. Me being compassionate and loving is the result of their compassion and loving energy, very strongly resonating behind me.
Audrey said my heart is very heavy with worries, she can see I am trying very hard to open my heart to love, but too much worries.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
He called me his wife :)
My low husky sickly voice is sexy?? Hmm... well ok, hhahahaha better than unbearable! And he called me his wife!!! I was, of course, inquiring about his car, which usually, is a man's wife. But no, not his wife but daughter!! Huh? Hahaha this is the first time. Then he said he was talking to his wife >> me? I lost my words. Wow wow wow I was overwhelmed and very touched that he thought me as his wife. I wish I am, I wish and it's just a wish.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Maybe I am mental
Twice, I was told I am not mentally stable, from two different persons. Am I? Are there more people think I am but are too polite to tell me? Has the betrayal traumatised me that badly? I know physically I was badly trashed but am picking up slowly. But mentally? Now I am afraid, what if I really have? What will happen? But I am happier now, so I should be fine, right?
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Love Actually
Just watched "Love Actually" again on DVD.
Was a lovely lovely show, I love it! It is one of those feel good kinda shows.
However, there is a bang of loneliness after I feel good for the characters in the show.
In the fictional world, well in this case, the endings are all good, well except for that poor little guy who fell in love with his best friend's wife. That is the worst agony! He was there to plan for the wedding and what not but silently standing at the side, gazing at the girl he loved and that is all he could do for the rest of his life, just stand aside and watched her silently. I feel for him, I can understand the sense of lost in his life.
Love found, Love met, Love rekindled, Love lost ..... all around christmas .....
It is June now, Christmas is 6 months away and I think I have to start planning to hide away somewhere. It is going to be difficult, I know, I tried that last year without success. Everywhere will be filled with jolly people in the mood of partying. Sigh...... Sometimes I wish I could just hide in some isolated place with no one around, facing the sea, listening to the wind. Where is this place? Hopefully by then, I have my own flat, and I could hide in my very own oasis. Shutting my world from the rest of the world. I rather be lonely on my own than to feel lonely when I am with friends. Hate the sympathetic look from people around you.
The airport scenes in the show was so warm, seeing love in the faces of people at the airport. It was so nice. For the past 2 years, at the "height" of my business travelling, there was no one to send me off nor anyone to receive me when I come home. Just me and only me. Kinda pathetic, don't you think? No one to call, no one to "report" to. Just flag a cab and go home on my own, back to my dark, empty room. Independence is a lonely thing and I have chosen that. All the happy endings, where's mine? When will I have a relationship beyond my mobile and email? I am so glad at least for these few months that there will not be any public holidays. Weekends are hard enough to go by, now I have intentionally pick up freelance work till September, so weekends will be more bearable for a while. I have also signed up to be a docent at the zoo, if everything goes well during my interview, I will be starting my 10-week course on becoming a docent. Now, that is going to be a highlight for me. I am just so terribly horrified of holiday seasons, so end of the year is going to be super tough. I need strength to go through them.
Was a lovely lovely show, I love it! It is one of those feel good kinda shows.
However, there is a bang of loneliness after I feel good for the characters in the show.
In the fictional world, well in this case, the endings are all good, well except for that poor little guy who fell in love with his best friend's wife. That is the worst agony! He was there to plan for the wedding and what not but silently standing at the side, gazing at the girl he loved and that is all he could do for the rest of his life, just stand aside and watched her silently. I feel for him, I can understand the sense of lost in his life.
Love found, Love met, Love rekindled, Love lost ..... all around christmas .....
It is June now, Christmas is 6 months away and I think I have to start planning to hide away somewhere. It is going to be difficult, I know, I tried that last year without success. Everywhere will be filled with jolly people in the mood of partying. Sigh...... Sometimes I wish I could just hide in some isolated place with no one around, facing the sea, listening to the wind. Where is this place? Hopefully by then, I have my own flat, and I could hide in my very own oasis. Shutting my world from the rest of the world. I rather be lonely on my own than to feel lonely when I am with friends. Hate the sympathetic look from people around you.
The airport scenes in the show was so warm, seeing love in the faces of people at the airport. It was so nice. For the past 2 years, at the "height" of my business travelling, there was no one to send me off nor anyone to receive me when I come home. Just me and only me. Kinda pathetic, don't you think? No one to call, no one to "report" to. Just flag a cab and go home on my own, back to my dark, empty room. Independence is a lonely thing and I have chosen that. All the happy endings, where's mine? When will I have a relationship beyond my mobile and email? I am so glad at least for these few months that there will not be any public holidays. Weekends are hard enough to go by, now I have intentionally pick up freelance work till September, so weekends will be more bearable for a while. I have also signed up to be a docent at the zoo, if everything goes well during my interview, I will be starting my 10-week course on becoming a docent. Now, that is going to be a highlight for me. I am just so terribly horrified of holiday seasons, so end of the year is going to be super tough. I need strength to go through them.
Friday, June 15, 2007
He said I am the one ....
I wish and I hope I am really that right girl for him :)
But if I am, why can't I dissolve the fear in him?
Jacky said (or rather sang) "愛一個人不容易", it is so true.
Last night, Father said when a woman loves, she loves with all her heart, everything.
I couldn't agree more to that.
Last night's class was about the marriage sacrament. I almost wanted to walk out of the class. Thinking to myself, I should have gone home and rest instead. This is one sacrament I do not intend to take anyway. I remember the vow I have made, even though I do not love him but I had intended to honour my vows but .... no no, I didn't fail. I kept my words and did my duties, he failed me but hey it is ok. I don't mind it ended the way it had. At least, I have a second chance :) I am free again. Afterall, I did have a wish, and I wish he would commit adultery so that I could get out of this wedlock. And my wish is granted. So, I have no complaint :) Even though I am alone and will be alone but it is ok, at least I am happy to be me again. At least, I have a chance to find my Dear :)
But if I am, why can't I dissolve the fear in him?
Jacky said (or rather sang) "愛一個人不容易", it is so true.
Last night, Father said when a woman loves, she loves with all her heart, everything.
I couldn't agree more to that.
Last night's class was about the marriage sacrament. I almost wanted to walk out of the class. Thinking to myself, I should have gone home and rest instead. This is one sacrament I do not intend to take anyway. I remember the vow I have made, even though I do not love him but I had intended to honour my vows but .... no no, I didn't fail. I kept my words and did my duties, he failed me but hey it is ok. I don't mind it ended the way it had. At least, I have a second chance :) I am free again. Afterall, I did have a wish, and I wish he would commit adultery so that I could get out of this wedlock. And my wish is granted. So, I have no complaint :) Even though I am alone and will be alone but it is ok, at least I am happy to be me again. At least, I have a chance to find my Dear :)
Thursday, June 14, 2007
He called ....
So happy to receive his call this morning :) Haven't heard from him for 2 days, I have missed him so much. At least he called ...............
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Beautiful Words To Live By
Chanced upon these beautiful words ........
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back.
Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person too.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back.
Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person too.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Stupid Flu Jab!!
Seriously! What is the flu jab for? Shouldn't it be a protection against flu?? Why am I having flu again!!!!!
Before the flu jab, my resistance was so strong!! And NOW? This is the 2nd flu attack I have after the stupid jab!!!
The only good thing about taking the jab was that the doctor who administered my jab, was cute. But I think he is a gay, so the good thing became bad hahahahhahaaha :P
Oh no... I could feel the heat flushes, I hope is not the stupid fever again!! Will have to sweat it out later in the gym and please please don't let me faint, it will be sooooooooo embarrassing. Archangel Michael, please please protect me on the road!
Before the flu jab, my resistance was so strong!! And NOW? This is the 2nd flu attack I have after the stupid jab!!!
The only good thing about taking the jab was that the doctor who administered my jab, was cute. But I think he is a gay, so the good thing became bad hahahahhahaaha :P
Oh no... I could feel the heat flushes, I hope is not the stupid fever again!! Will have to sweat it out later in the gym and please please don't let me faint, it will be sooooooooo embarrassing. Archangel Michael, please please protect me on the road!
I saw rainbow again!!
This morning, I woke up feeling a little down, maybe cos I realised I am going to lose my voice soon, I am having throat inflammation again. I have tried to smile this morning, and was not very successful. But upon seeing the rainbow as I drove out of BKE overcasting Hillview!! I smile!! A very huge smile!!
This is the 4th rainbow I have seen this year!
I saw 2 rainbows on Jan 1st, one top of another.
Saw another while driving to Yew Siang's place somewhere in Feb.
And today!!
I tried to take a quick snap of it but I was driving!!
But it will imprint onto my brain, just like the others I saw.
On the day before I moved out of Pasir Ris (Michael and JG's wedding), I saw the rainbow. That very moment, I know that I will be blessed and Heaven will be there for me.
Thank you Heavens. I have asked for a clear sign and indeed I am given. Thank you!
Thank you for giving me the strength and patience as I wait for him.
To my very surprise, you give me another beautiful sign. Jill sent me "Be Thou my Vision". I am listening to it now. Thank you!
Be Thou my Vision
Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
This is the 4th rainbow I have seen this year!
I saw 2 rainbows on Jan 1st, one top of another.
Saw another while driving to Yew Siang's place somewhere in Feb.
And today!!
I tried to take a quick snap of it but I was driving!!
But it will imprint onto my brain, just like the others I saw.
On the day before I moved out of Pasir Ris (Michael and JG's wedding), I saw the rainbow. That very moment, I know that I will be blessed and Heaven will be there for me.
Thank you Heavens. I have asked for a clear sign and indeed I am given. Thank you!
Thank you for giving me the strength and patience as I wait for him.
To my very surprise, you give me another beautiful sign. Jill sent me "Be Thou my Vision". I am listening to it now. Thank you!
Be Thou my Vision
Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Speedy Recovery
Nick's mom just had an operation. He is on the way there now to visit her. I wish I could be there to give her my well wishes, but I can't. However, I would still like to wish her a speedy recovery from wherever I am. Sorry Auntie, I can't be there. Please accept the healing energy from Archangel Raphael. Thank you Raphael for sending my love to her.
Kheng ....
Finally, got to talk to Kheng. A long long "talk", over yahoo.
Better than not talking at all. The last time I went to see her and Little Faith was 2 months ago. And we couldn't really talk cos' Faith was having all my attention!! She is such a sweet little girl. I can really see Kheng in her!!
Remembering the time we studied at the airport, and back at her school, St. Nicholas.
We were so close then. We talked just about anything. Now, she is a full time mom! Given up her highly paid job to become a full time mom!! The best thing is she has no regret which is great!
Looking at her and Bobby so happy now, I am glad she didn't listen to my advice to think twice about loving a man so much older. They have an angel, Faith, and another coming. They have come a long way, and they deserved to have such blissful union.
As we talked about the past, she started to probe about my failed marriage and for the first time, she learned about my depression, my inability to love a man, my attempted suicides. I didn't want to tell her then, cos' she seemed to have so much to deal with. So like I always do, I swallowed everything. Well, it is like now too. I was listening when she told me about her morning sickness, about little Faith in school, etc. I didn't expect her to turn around and asked about me. Usually she doesn't have a chance to, either Faith wakes up and need her attention or she is feeling tired. It is a rare occasion, we talked for more than an hour.
When she told me I will find someone I could love one day, I was speechless. I wanted to tell her I have but I can't. She will freak out if I tell her I have fallen in love with a guy I have yet to meet. I don't want to be challenged with verification again. I will let Time works this out for me. There is nothing much I could do anyway. It is beyond me.
I will be planning for a day out with Faith, and it will be at the zoo!! Since her parents are not animals lovers and going to the zoo is such a chore, I will bring Faith! I remember some time back, Nick mentioned we could bring her out one day :) it would be nice if that really happen but ...
First stop zoo, next we'll go Undersea World :)
Faith, I hope you are as excited as Auntie Nancy hahahhahaahahahah
Better than not talking at all. The last time I went to see her and Little Faith was 2 months ago. And we couldn't really talk cos' Faith was having all my attention!! She is such a sweet little girl. I can really see Kheng in her!!
Remembering the time we studied at the airport, and back at her school, St. Nicholas.
We were so close then. We talked just about anything. Now, she is a full time mom! Given up her highly paid job to become a full time mom!! The best thing is she has no regret which is great!
Looking at her and Bobby so happy now, I am glad she didn't listen to my advice to think twice about loving a man so much older. They have an angel, Faith, and another coming. They have come a long way, and they deserved to have such blissful union.
As we talked about the past, she started to probe about my failed marriage and for the first time, she learned about my depression, my inability to love a man, my attempted suicides. I didn't want to tell her then, cos' she seemed to have so much to deal with. So like I always do, I swallowed everything. Well, it is like now too. I was listening when she told me about her morning sickness, about little Faith in school, etc. I didn't expect her to turn around and asked about me. Usually she doesn't have a chance to, either Faith wakes up and need her attention or she is feeling tired. It is a rare occasion, we talked for more than an hour.
When she told me I will find someone I could love one day, I was speechless. I wanted to tell her I have but I can't. She will freak out if I tell her I have fallen in love with a guy I have yet to meet. I don't want to be challenged with verification again. I will let Time works this out for me. There is nothing much I could do anyway. It is beyond me.
I will be planning for a day out with Faith, and it will be at the zoo!! Since her parents are not animals lovers and going to the zoo is such a chore, I will bring Faith! I remember some time back, Nick mentioned we could bring her out one day :) it would be nice if that really happen but ...
First stop zoo, next we'll go Undersea World :)
Faith, I hope you are as excited as Auntie Nancy hahahhahaahahahah
Thank you Angels!
Have you felt an angel envelop you in a hug with his wings? :)
I have!! When I was at church, I sensed an angel sat on my right. Enfolding me in his wings and telling me I am fine and they remember me, focus on the light. Thank you!
When I met Yew Siang later in the evening, she reminded me my vibration may be too low lately, the angels are having problem reaching out to me. I have to move up to the high vibration!! My anxiety has lower my vibration, I need to refocus my energy. Perhaps that's why I have yet to receive any guidance from Merlin whom I have invoked Merlin to guide me.
I have!! When I was at church, I sensed an angel sat on my right. Enfolding me in his wings and telling me I am fine and they remember me, focus on the light. Thank you!
When I met Yew Siang later in the evening, she reminded me my vibration may be too low lately, the angels are having problem reaching out to me. I have to move up to the high vibration!! My anxiety has lower my vibration, I need to refocus my energy. Perhaps that's why I have yet to receive any guidance from Merlin whom I have invoked Merlin to guide me.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Mask ....
When was the last time I cry in the someone's arm, to spill all my anguish? Gosh .... I can't even remember. I don't even remember doing that!!
Not my mom, she is the last person that I want to worry.
Not my sis, she has her own son to deal with, which is not easy.
Not my best friend, she is too caught up with her baby and now her second pregnancy
Not even my buddy!! We will just laugh over it as something that is no big deal, even though it is a big deal to me.
So, I have been wearing a mask for so long??
Is that why I feel so exhausted?
I know the people around me, want to see me strong and independent.
So, I wear that mask.
They want to see me happy.
So, I wear that mask.
I feel more lonely when I am invited to their family outings, knowing I will not have that of my own.
I feel more lonely when I am invited to join them in their double date.
Haven't they realised I am no longer a family?
I used to be Da Sao but now, there is no more Da Ge, so naturally, there is no more Da Sao.
I have my weak moments too. I am only human.
I cry when I am alone.
Silently swallowing each drop of tears, fighting hard not to quiver, fighting hard not to collapse. I do not know how long more could I fight. I do not know when I will succumb to fall. I have forced myself to stay positive, but the negativity comes so naturally. It is so tough to stand alone, to do everything alone. All through my life, have been doing that, even during my marriage, where it is supposed to be with someone, but, somehow I was alone.
Even now with Nick. I am alone.
I am alone in my cocoon, with no contact information about him.
His secrecy has driven me nuts. He doesn't trust me.
Disappointment has slowly inching its way in.
I trust him based on just his words and I wanted to, but everyday there are challenges for verification. They seem to be worrying that I have lost my judgment on men. Why do you just believe? Based on what?
Am I that gullible?
Maybe I should go somewhere far far away, no more mask.
Or will I have new masks?
Not my mom, she is the last person that I want to worry.
Not my sis, she has her own son to deal with, which is not easy.
Not my best friend, she is too caught up with her baby and now her second pregnancy
Not even my buddy!! We will just laugh over it as something that is no big deal, even though it is a big deal to me.
So, I have been wearing a mask for so long??
Is that why I feel so exhausted?
I know the people around me, want to see me strong and independent.
So, I wear that mask.
They want to see me happy.
So, I wear that mask.
I feel more lonely when I am invited to their family outings, knowing I will not have that of my own.
I feel more lonely when I am invited to join them in their double date.
Haven't they realised I am no longer a family?
I used to be Da Sao but now, there is no more Da Ge, so naturally, there is no more Da Sao.
I have my weak moments too. I am only human.
I cry when I am alone.
Silently swallowing each drop of tears, fighting hard not to quiver, fighting hard not to collapse. I do not know how long more could I fight. I do not know when I will succumb to fall. I have forced myself to stay positive, but the negativity comes so naturally. It is so tough to stand alone, to do everything alone. All through my life, have been doing that, even during my marriage, where it is supposed to be with someone, but, somehow I was alone.
Even now with Nick. I am alone.
I am alone in my cocoon, with no contact information about him.
His secrecy has driven me nuts. He doesn't trust me.
Disappointment has slowly inching its way in.
I trust him based on just his words and I wanted to, but everyday there are challenges for verification. They seem to be worrying that I have lost my judgment on men. Why do you just believe? Based on what?
Am I that gullible?
Maybe I should go somewhere far far away, no more mask.
Or will I have new masks?
Driving round and round
Almost drove round the island.
Decided not to be cooped up in my room, I went for a drive, but I have no idea where I want to go, but know if possible to hear the sea. So I drove onto the SLE, then TPE, all the way to near the airport and went up ECP. Thought I would stop somewhere along East Coast Park, but the park looked so crowded! So, I drove past and headed straight. Pondering if I should continue on to AYE, BKE then home. Instead, I exited at Rochor. For what?! I had the sudden urge to go Liang Court! Haven't shopped in the supermarket for ages!! Although the stuffs are more pricey there, but I like to go there.
But, I didn't drive in when I was there.
Too much memory of the past there. Wedding was there, and the flea market days.
Drove round and headed home.
What a sad way to spend my Saturday night.
Decided not to be cooped up in my room, I went for a drive, but I have no idea where I want to go, but know if possible to hear the sea. So I drove onto the SLE, then TPE, all the way to near the airport and went up ECP. Thought I would stop somewhere along East Coast Park, but the park looked so crowded! So, I drove past and headed straight. Pondering if I should continue on to AYE, BKE then home. Instead, I exited at Rochor. For what?! I had the sudden urge to go Liang Court! Haven't shopped in the supermarket for ages!! Although the stuffs are more pricey there, but I like to go there.
But, I didn't drive in when I was there.
Too much memory of the past there. Wedding was there, and the flea market days.
Drove round and headed home.
What a sad way to spend my Saturday night.
Cleanse my Chakra in the park
I went to the park this morning again. Longing to feel his presence among the trees and the flowers. Am I odd? But at least I found a peaceful spot that I like, and I was meditating there. With the help of Dr Doreen Virtue's Chakra Cleansing Audio track, I cleanse mine. Finally, I have done this in the midst of the nature and under the sun. Felt refreshing and connected after that :)But the ever-present cat was missing this morning.
My peaceful morning was interrupted, again, by wedding party!!
They like to take picture in this park and they always choose to come to my spot!! Sigh.
Ah ... the cat appeared and I stayed there as long as I could playing with the cat, until the party has made it quite clear, that they would prefer me to leave my bench. I left .... I walk to sat under the tree, nearer to the pond. It was shady and windy, feel nice and I resumed to my writing, seemed to have tons to write this morning. Then, came a group of uncles, with their toys. Remote-controlled speed boats!! They were circling their speedboats in the ponds, creating large ripple effect in the water, hence destroyed the tranquility.
He called me while I was sitting under the tree :) How I wish I could share my time at the park with him. But I know I have to make my exit before his entrance ...I walked around the park abit and sat down on another spot, writing away and I saw an eagle!!
A small one but that excited me cos i love eagles!!
Strange Dream
In spite of my constant waking last night, I think I have several dreams. But at this moment, I only remember one, cos it is so bizarre!! In the dream, I was wearing a blue jump suit and ready to leap into the air like a bird, oh gosh, "Blue Bird"!!! Hahahahaha.... Anyway, I remember I have to get to the top of some building, for what? I have no idea. Suddenly, the scene changed before I have a chance to leap into my flight, my mission remain unchanged, however instead of "flying" to the top of the building, now I have to climb up the glass window with suction!!! Have I imagined myself as one of the Charlie Angels? I wonder!!!
Friday, June 08, 2007
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Come what may
He "cuddled" me to sleep last night or rather this morning. Although I am still wishing the cuddling is real, but this is the best I will get. I don't understand why I love him so much but I just know I do and will always do. Like in the song "Come what may", I will love him till my dying day and beyond.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Time with the cats :)
Received a call from Minako last night. She has decided to go Europe after all to meet her boyfriend. Whatever communication issues they have, are finally resolved, I am extremely happy for them, and looking forward to meet Mr Charming when it is his turn to come visit her. Long distance relationship is tough, especially when there is a time difference of 6-8 hours.
Her utmost worry when she is away are her 2 cats. But hey, she got me!!! :)
I will be staying at her house taking care of Lito-Chan and Choco-Chan.
I have no complains, I LOVE THEM!!! Will be with them for 2 weeks :)
Ah .... bliss ................
Her utmost worry when she is away are her 2 cats. But hey, she got me!!! :)
I will be staying at her house taking care of Lito-Chan and Choco-Chan.
I have no complains, I LOVE THEM!!! Will be with them for 2 weeks :)
Ah .... bliss ................
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Metaphysics
I was torn between seeing Audrey or this metaphysician guy that YS has recommended, but she reminded I have to listen with an open heart, cos he is blunt and straight to the point, and I might not like what I hear. Audrey is about healing, and I have been wondering if I need any Karmic healing ... but YP told me in the last gathering, I do not have any karmic issue to deal with in this life. Hmmm, so I adhered to YS' suggestion and tossed a coin and let the angels decide for me, and ok, see the metaphysician.
I was there right on time, and immediately he started charting the numbers of my life! wow, Renee did numerology for me the last time, and she used computer to generate my chart, this guy is doing it manually!! And the charting is different! Now, that's interesting. I didn't realise there are different type of numerology, gosh so much to learn.
As he was drawing MY chart, I was braising myself for all bad things ... oh but no, I was all good. Unbelievable. He said my life will be better as I grow older. Hmmm... older? Haven't several told me I might not have that chance to grow older? Not sure is that good or bad, hmmm.... at least he said I do not have any major downturn in my life, the worst has already gone. Yippeeee! Now that's good news! He went on to tell me about my personality, my temperament, etc.
I am slow and steady, systemic, neat, quick to spot error (that's good! Help in my program debugging!). I am outspoken and direct but could be blunt. Any target I set for myself, I will make sure it is obtainable (no wonder my boss like me so much, cos' I will DEFINITELY deliver my project!).
However, my main problem is Love!! Not an easy person to love, cos I am too career driven!! Well, this is true, that's why my marriage failed. As long as i do not sign the paper, I am fine. That's good! Exactly my intention. He also said my life revolving around children. My work is related to children, even my part time hobby kinda work is related to children, and he suggested that my voluntary work should be dealing with children too. I think I have to work with YS on the stuffs for kids, since hers is centered around children too!!
Then the most important issue - the house. He said the delay is quite inevitable, and there is waiting involved. Sigh .... and the bad news is no matter how hasty I try to expedite the whole event, I will be encountered some form of road block.
All in all, the general scope of things for me is great! so I am pretty much relieved, and I don't have any karmic issue, which is good, but still I am curious about my past lives. Maybe I should listen to YP. She, too, told me there is none to resolve so there is no need to look at them. When she told me I am elemental, does that mean I am simply surrounded by the fairies OR am I one of the fairies!! :P
Maybe I should stop deviating and concentrating on learning the healing of angels and fairies proper!!
Throughout the reading, I have more curiosity on how to do the reading then listening to my own reading!! But is not easy definitely, he has learned this numerology for 20 over years!!!
YS reminded me that the world has shifted to co-creation, so whatever negativity is not fixated, it can be changed. We have to consciously manifest it to be positive. Do not forget co-creation and the power of manifestation. And enlist the angels and heaven to help in your co-creation!!
:)
I was there right on time, and immediately he started charting the numbers of my life! wow, Renee did numerology for me the last time, and she used computer to generate my chart, this guy is doing it manually!! And the charting is different! Now, that's interesting. I didn't realise there are different type of numerology, gosh so much to learn.
As he was drawing MY chart, I was braising myself for all bad things ... oh but no, I was all good. Unbelievable. He said my life will be better as I grow older. Hmmm... older? Haven't several told me I might not have that chance to grow older? Not sure is that good or bad, hmmm.... at least he said I do not have any major downturn in my life, the worst has already gone. Yippeeee! Now that's good news! He went on to tell me about my personality, my temperament, etc.
I am slow and steady, systemic, neat, quick to spot error (that's good! Help in my program debugging!). I am outspoken and direct but could be blunt. Any target I set for myself, I will make sure it is obtainable (no wonder my boss like me so much, cos' I will DEFINITELY deliver my project!).
However, my main problem is Love!! Not an easy person to love, cos I am too career driven!! Well, this is true, that's why my marriage failed. As long as i do not sign the paper, I am fine. That's good! Exactly my intention. He also said my life revolving around children. My work is related to children, even my part time hobby kinda work is related to children, and he suggested that my voluntary work should be dealing with children too. I think I have to work with YS on the stuffs for kids, since hers is centered around children too!!
Then the most important issue - the house. He said the delay is quite inevitable, and there is waiting involved. Sigh .... and the bad news is no matter how hasty I try to expedite the whole event, I will be encountered some form of road block.
All in all, the general scope of things for me is great! so I am pretty much relieved, and I don't have any karmic issue, which is good, but still I am curious about my past lives. Maybe I should listen to YP. She, too, told me there is none to resolve so there is no need to look at them. When she told me I am elemental, does that mean I am simply surrounded by the fairies OR am I one of the fairies!! :P
Maybe I should stop deviating and concentrating on learning the healing of angels and fairies proper!!
Throughout the reading, I have more curiosity on how to do the reading then listening to my own reading!! But is not easy definitely, he has learned this numerology for 20 over years!!!
YS reminded me that the world has shifted to co-creation, so whatever negativity is not fixated, it can be changed. We have to consciously manifest it to be positive. Do not forget co-creation and the power of manifestation. And enlist the angels and heaven to help in your co-creation!!
:)
Julie
------------- a little story i wrote in 1999, it is unfinished ... --------------
“Julie, my love. It’s time. I’m going to see Gram soon. I’ve missed her so much.” Grandpapa held me for the very last time. He looked so peaceful and ready, I cried. “Don’t cry, little gypsy. We will be with you always.”
He left. I was glad there was no pain.
I was an orphan. Gram and Grandpapa found me near the tree in the barn. I was left behind, an unwanted child. But I was no where near being dysfunctional, the love I have received from Gram and Grandpapa were in abundance, I have so much more to share with anyone who need them.
Gram left us 5 years ago when I was only 15. She has been quite ill for as long as I remember. 15 years, she suffered the pain of her illness, but she never allowed us to see her in pain, she suffered them in silence, until the day she could no longer withhold, she left. Life was tough without Gram, she was the sunshine, the laughter, everything. Grandpapa was in deep sorrow, without Gram, he lost his will to live, too. It was unbearable to look at him in that state. He aged so much more overnight it broke my heart.
Then one day, suddenly he came to live again! He was Grandpapa again; I have missed him so much. We could finally talk and laugh together, just like old time.
“Julie! Julie! Your Grandpapa! Go! To the hospital! Now!”
I lost Grandpapa that day.
I left too, the week after. I have chosen to lick my wound somewhere else.
Hopped onto the bus and left, no idea where it will bring me.
The bus finally stopped at quiet little town by the sea. Ah, the sea. So beautiful and peaceful, the air was different.
I found a job in the deli and another in a big house. The owner was away most of the time, so I was to be a house sitter. Fine by me, as long as there was a roof over my head.
The house was huge. I wondered who lived there. Once a week, someone came to clean the house, so I didn’t have to clean the house. I stayed in the guestroom on the ground floor.
When I was not working in the deli, I was in the library in the house. There were more books that I have seen in the bookshop. Sometimes, I fell asleep in the couch reading.
Noise.
I was woken by a noise in the house. Oh no, I hope it was not the burglar, what am I to do. I grabbed the first thing my hands grabbed, a golf club. Slowly and quietly, I inched my way to the door. Please God, let there just be my imagination.
Before I could open the door, it swinged open and knocked me down on my nose. And I saw black.
“Oh dear, I am so sorry. Are you alright? Who are you? What are you doing in my house?”
Too many questions. Oh, my head. It hurt. “My house”? I opened my eyes and stared into the most beautiful shade of blue.
“Are you alright? I hope you are not having a concussion or something.”
“I am sorry, you must be Mr. Tavis. I am Julie, your house-sitter. Sorry again for intruding your library.”
“No, no. That’s fine. It’s always a pleasure to share this treasure from my father. His quest for knowledge was boundless. He would be happy to see that his library was not rendered useless.”
“Mr. Tavis, welcome home, it is a pleasure to work for you. Now that you are home, I believe my service is no longer necessary. I will go …”
“Julie, do you like this house?”
“Me? Of course. Who wouldn’t. I could practically live in this library.”
“Then, stay on. I could invent an employment for you. You don’t have to leave.”
“But ..”
“I insist. It’s nice to have some company.”
He left the room with the brightest and most beautiful smile I have ever seen.
But I can’t stay here infinitely; Mrs. Tavis will not be too happy to find a female house-sitter within the premise. I have to make plan to leave though the invitation was so tempting.
“Good morning.”
I jumped.
“Good morning, Mr. Tavis.”
My daily encounter with Mr. Tavis was just that.
Until one night, I heard him stumped into the house. He must be drunk.
I went to him, but he seemed to be in pain.
“Mr. Tavis! Mr. Tavis! Oh my gosh! Are you ok?”
“M ..y pil..ls, in .. my ..case ..”
Clumsily, I fumbled into his case.
“Oh.. where is it? Where is it?”
Found it. I helped him to his medication and lay him on the sofa.
The pills took effect in few minutes. His frown smoothened.
“Thank you, Julie.”
“Let me help you to your room, you should be resting. You should take a day off tomorrow to do exactly that too.”
He fell into a deep sleep almost immediately after he lay on his bed.
I stayed by him for the night.
I woke up from the couch and saw him sitting in front of me looking at me, like I was a specimen or something, it was nerve-wrecking. He looked well now.
“Thank you Julie.”
“I, ah, I should go and make some breakfast.”
I practically ran out of the room.
In the kitchen, I focused on making the breakfast, but I was acutely aware of his presence in the house.
“Julie.”
I jumped.
“Thank you again.”
“You look so much better now.”
“Yes. Since I will be taking your suggestion to rest today, would you like to be my companion for the day?”
“Companion?”
“We could go for a drive, have a picnic, watch a movie, things like that?”
“But, you should be resting.”
“Not working is resting for me. I am too restless to sit around at home. Come on, let’s go for a walk by the sea.”
He grabbed my hand and we left the house. We walked to the beach, enjoying the warm breeze, still holding my hand.
“It has been a while since I have been this relax.”
I smiled, not knowing what to say. He smiled. We walked in silence for a long time.
“Thank you, Julie. I have a great time.”
“Thank you. Me, too.”
We didn’t go for a drive, or watch a movie after that. He received a call left immediately after that. He didn’t come back for a few days.
I love the garden, it was beautiful, and I tried my best to help the gardener maintain its beauty.
I was pruning the plants when I sensed someone’s gaze intensely at me.
I turned around and saw Mr. Tavis. He stood there, looking so much like a Greek God and smiling at me.
“Hi Julie.”
“Hello, Mr Tavis. Your heart is fine today?”
He walked towards me, removed my gardening groves, held my hand, and led me to the beach. Not saying a single word.
“I’ve missed you.”
Me?
I stopped.
He held both my hands and smiled.
Gently, he leaned forward to kiss me on my lips. His feather-like kiss that did me in. It sent me to my knees. I was never been kissed.
“Julie!”
He caught me and held me, oh so protectively. I felt safe in his arms.
“Shhh…. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you so. No. Never my intention.”
We sat on the beach; he continued to cradle me to him, like he was not ever going to let me go.
“Mr. Tavis, I, ..”
“Julie, my love, call me Josh.”
My love? This was too much.
“Mr. Tavis, uh, Josh. I don’t know how? But I don’t deserve this. I should make my leave, ah, Mrs. Tavis would not approve of this.”
“My mother? Why would my mother not approve of you?”
“Your mother? No, no, I mean, uh, Mrs. Josh Tavis.”
“MaryAnn, she would love you. She would have picked you up for me. Maybe she has.”
“I don’t understand.”
“She has gone to the heaven 5 years ago. She must have sent you to me.”
Silence tears.
“Mr. Tavis, …”
“Josh.”
“Josh, I am delighted for your attention but, but I am not MaryAnn. I wouldn’t know how to be her. I, uh, ”
He silenced me with a kiss. No, no, he was trying to shut down my mind, I can’t but it was so enchanting.
“Julie, I have never said you have to be MaryAnn. No one can be like her. No way. She is as noisy as you are quiet. Julie, just be you, you don’t have to be anyone else for anyone, not even for me, ok?”
“Julie, my love. It’s time. I’m going to see Gram soon. I’ve missed her so much.” Grandpapa held me for the very last time. He looked so peaceful and ready, I cried. “Don’t cry, little gypsy. We will be with you always.”
He left. I was glad there was no pain.
I was an orphan. Gram and Grandpapa found me near the tree in the barn. I was left behind, an unwanted child. But I was no where near being dysfunctional, the love I have received from Gram and Grandpapa were in abundance, I have so much more to share with anyone who need them.
Gram left us 5 years ago when I was only 15. She has been quite ill for as long as I remember. 15 years, she suffered the pain of her illness, but she never allowed us to see her in pain, she suffered them in silence, until the day she could no longer withhold, she left. Life was tough without Gram, she was the sunshine, the laughter, everything. Grandpapa was in deep sorrow, without Gram, he lost his will to live, too. It was unbearable to look at him in that state. He aged so much more overnight it broke my heart.
Then one day, suddenly he came to live again! He was Grandpapa again; I have missed him so much. We could finally talk and laugh together, just like old time.
“Julie! Julie! Your Grandpapa! Go! To the hospital! Now!”
I lost Grandpapa that day.
I left too, the week after. I have chosen to lick my wound somewhere else.
Hopped onto the bus and left, no idea where it will bring me.
The bus finally stopped at quiet little town by the sea. Ah, the sea. So beautiful and peaceful, the air was different.
I found a job in the deli and another in a big house. The owner was away most of the time, so I was to be a house sitter. Fine by me, as long as there was a roof over my head.
The house was huge. I wondered who lived there. Once a week, someone came to clean the house, so I didn’t have to clean the house. I stayed in the guestroom on the ground floor.
When I was not working in the deli, I was in the library in the house. There were more books that I have seen in the bookshop. Sometimes, I fell asleep in the couch reading.
Noise.
I was woken by a noise in the house. Oh no, I hope it was not the burglar, what am I to do. I grabbed the first thing my hands grabbed, a golf club. Slowly and quietly, I inched my way to the door. Please God, let there just be my imagination.
Before I could open the door, it swinged open and knocked me down on my nose. And I saw black.
“Oh dear, I am so sorry. Are you alright? Who are you? What are you doing in my house?”
Too many questions. Oh, my head. It hurt. “My house”? I opened my eyes and stared into the most beautiful shade of blue.
“Are you alright? I hope you are not having a concussion or something.”
“I am sorry, you must be Mr. Tavis. I am Julie, your house-sitter. Sorry again for intruding your library.”
“No, no. That’s fine. It’s always a pleasure to share this treasure from my father. His quest for knowledge was boundless. He would be happy to see that his library was not rendered useless.”
“Mr. Tavis, welcome home, it is a pleasure to work for you. Now that you are home, I believe my service is no longer necessary. I will go …”
“Julie, do you like this house?”
“Me? Of course. Who wouldn’t. I could practically live in this library.”
“Then, stay on. I could invent an employment for you. You don’t have to leave.”
“But ..”
“I insist. It’s nice to have some company.”
He left the room with the brightest and most beautiful smile I have ever seen.
But I can’t stay here infinitely; Mrs. Tavis will not be too happy to find a female house-sitter within the premise. I have to make plan to leave though the invitation was so tempting.
“Good morning.”
I jumped.
“Good morning, Mr. Tavis.”
My daily encounter with Mr. Tavis was just that.
Until one night, I heard him stumped into the house. He must be drunk.
I went to him, but he seemed to be in pain.
“Mr. Tavis! Mr. Tavis! Oh my gosh! Are you ok?”
“M ..y pil..ls, in .. my ..case ..”
Clumsily, I fumbled into his case.
“Oh.. where is it? Where is it?”
Found it. I helped him to his medication and lay him on the sofa.
The pills took effect in few minutes. His frown smoothened.
“Thank you, Julie.”
“Let me help you to your room, you should be resting. You should take a day off tomorrow to do exactly that too.”
He fell into a deep sleep almost immediately after he lay on his bed.
I stayed by him for the night.
I woke up from the couch and saw him sitting in front of me looking at me, like I was a specimen or something, it was nerve-wrecking. He looked well now.
“Thank you Julie.”
“I, ah, I should go and make some breakfast.”
I practically ran out of the room.
In the kitchen, I focused on making the breakfast, but I was acutely aware of his presence in the house.
“Julie.”
I jumped.
“Thank you again.”
“You look so much better now.”
“Yes. Since I will be taking your suggestion to rest today, would you like to be my companion for the day?”
“Companion?”
“We could go for a drive, have a picnic, watch a movie, things like that?”
“But, you should be resting.”
“Not working is resting for me. I am too restless to sit around at home. Come on, let’s go for a walk by the sea.”
He grabbed my hand and we left the house. We walked to the beach, enjoying the warm breeze, still holding my hand.
“It has been a while since I have been this relax.”
I smiled, not knowing what to say. He smiled. We walked in silence for a long time.
“Thank you, Julie. I have a great time.”
“Thank you. Me, too.”
We didn’t go for a drive, or watch a movie after that. He received a call left immediately after that. He didn’t come back for a few days.
I love the garden, it was beautiful, and I tried my best to help the gardener maintain its beauty.
I was pruning the plants when I sensed someone’s gaze intensely at me.
I turned around and saw Mr. Tavis. He stood there, looking so much like a Greek God and smiling at me.
“Hi Julie.”
“Hello, Mr Tavis. Your heart is fine today?”
He walked towards me, removed my gardening groves, held my hand, and led me to the beach. Not saying a single word.
“I’ve missed you.”
Me?
I stopped.
He held both my hands and smiled.
Gently, he leaned forward to kiss me on my lips. His feather-like kiss that did me in. It sent me to my knees. I was never been kissed.
“Julie!”
He caught me and held me, oh so protectively. I felt safe in his arms.
“Shhh…. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you so. No. Never my intention.”
We sat on the beach; he continued to cradle me to him, like he was not ever going to let me go.
“Mr. Tavis, I, ..”
“Julie, my love, call me Josh.”
My love? This was too much.
“Mr. Tavis, uh, Josh. I don’t know how? But I don’t deserve this. I should make my leave, ah, Mrs. Tavis would not approve of this.”
“My mother? Why would my mother not approve of you?”
“Your mother? No, no, I mean, uh, Mrs. Josh Tavis.”
“MaryAnn, she would love you. She would have picked you up for me. Maybe she has.”
“I don’t understand.”
“She has gone to the heaven 5 years ago. She must have sent you to me.”
Silence tears.
“Mr. Tavis, …”
“Josh.”
“Josh, I am delighted for your attention but, but I am not MaryAnn. I wouldn’t know how to be her. I, uh, ”
He silenced me with a kiss. No, no, he was trying to shut down my mind, I can’t but it was so enchanting.
“Julie, I have never said you have to be MaryAnn. No one can be like her. No way. She is as noisy as you are quiet. Julie, just be you, you don’t have to be anyone else for anyone, not even for me, ok?”
Monday, June 04, 2007
strange love
Have you fallen in love with someone whom you have never met? I know this sound so silly but I have fallen hard, real hard for the first time in my 35 years.
Never in my past relationships and failed marriage, have I felt this way.
We have met online, we chat and talk on the phone for just a month, and both, yes BOTH of us has fallen in love with each other. Well, you might think this is GREAT!! But, he refuses to meet me in person. His fear of commitment has overridden our love.
Never in my past relationships and failed marriage, have I felt this way.
We have met online, we chat and talk on the phone for just a month, and both, yes BOTH of us has fallen in love with each other. Well, you might think this is GREAT!! But, he refuses to meet me in person. His fear of commitment has overridden our love.
7 angels
Today I have received all seven angels he promised to make for me. Instead of feeling good, somehow I feel I am going to lose something. Why does he hurry himself to give me all? I don't understand. But I still love all the angels he has made for me :) love every single one of them, cos' I truly believe they are made with love. Thank you Dear!
Saturday, June 02, 2007
I miss him so ...
This morning I didn't join my mother in the park for exercise. My head hurt, maybe still tired from the flight. Woke up with receiving his morning call was great! It would be better if I could wake up right next to him.
After the brief conversation with my dearest (very brief :( ), i decided to go to the park where he does his running. I know I will be able to feel closer to him by just being there in the same park. Sending my love to him, through the fairies and angels in the park. :) I have missed him already!! and it was just less than an hour ago that I spoke to him!!
I sat at my usual bench, and talking to the ever-present cat who was sleeping under the bench. He responded to my meowing, and I could hear him purred :) But my blissful morning was interrupted by a group of happy friends and a couple in their wedding gowns. They wanted my spot, so I left. I walked to the pond side and sat on the stone and talk to the sprites of the water. Hmmmmm.... feel so lovely to communicate to the fairies and sprites again :) I hope they can hear me, I am still struggling to hear them. I know I know, I am not in a relax enough state to hear them, but I do wish to hear them so badly. I need to feel the presences with the angels and fairies again. Please do not elude me.
After the brief conversation with my dearest (very brief :( ), i decided to go to the park where he does his running. I know I will be able to feel closer to him by just being there in the same park. Sending my love to him, through the fairies and angels in the park. :) I have missed him already!! and it was just less than an hour ago that I spoke to him!!
I sat at my usual bench, and talking to the ever-present cat who was sleeping under the bench. He responded to my meowing, and I could hear him purred :) But my blissful morning was interrupted by a group of happy friends and a couple in their wedding gowns. They wanted my spot, so I left. I walked to the pond side and sat on the stone and talk to the sprites of the water. Hmmmmm.... feel so lovely to communicate to the fairies and sprites again :) I hope they can hear me, I am still struggling to hear them. I know I know, I am not in a relax enough state to hear them, but I do wish to hear them so badly. I need to feel the presences with the angels and fairies again. Please do not elude me.
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