The Wait

Once again, he told me he loves me.  No reply…… from my end yet again, just a smile.  He is waiting, I know he is waiting.  I know not when I will be ready, not now, not when my heart is still full of someone else who has left me without a word.  I know I should be furious but I was not, I was too disappointed in myself to feel anything else.  I guess I have numbed.  The only time I felt anything was the many attempts I have tried to let him go but the harder I tried, the more I couldn’t……breaking down and missing him all over again.  Why is it so hard………………………………..

He is still waiting, patiently waiting for me to one day open the door in my heart I have slammed shut.

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I have no idea why but it has ended the very moment I spoke to someone about it. And I knew the exact moment it has ended....... I have no idea how to feel about it, to be enraged? to cry? to feel resign? ...... Am I cursed? or what? I dont understand .... why?